change

its been ages since i last blogged. only because i have been too sick, and too busy. short and simply, i shall try to incorporate the highs and lows that have been going on recently.

1. finally going to Japan - i've decided that i would really like to live there.
2. falling sick with Pneumonia at Zoukout - and being in hospital for 5 days in isolation after.
3. staying at MBS & eating the dinner buffet - once a month minimum.
4. having my alcohol tolerance be at its peak - then falling back to ground zero.
5. cherishing my real, true friends - and letting the rest go.

and now after some reflecting and much chitchat with people in my life... i just have to say... change happens, it happens. and whether in a good or bad way, it is really too subjective. whether it is to one's advantage or disadvantage, it cannot be swayed or faulted. there is no one to blame, no expectations to be met, and nothing to be done once change takes place.

we have all done stuff in our lives we may completely regret, yet we cannot take it back. all we can do is ask for forgiveness every day till it doesn't matter any longer whether the forgiveness comes, or till it does. and even then, things will never be the same again. 

i lost some lovely people this year, those whom i thought would remain in my life forever. for once, i firmly believe that i was never wrong, and they had to be let go. it is sad, how it felt to always be the one going all out to meet them halfway. how it felt to be the one that brought them together, only to be neglected and left behind almost too suddenly. for all that has happened, i find it impossible to forgive and forget. i find it impossible to ever be myself with them ever again. so i wished them well, and removed myself from their lives.

so now i see something similar happening to another one of my lovely people. and i am stuck in the middle, and it sucks big time because i know i have taken a side, but i cannot give up on the other. all i can hope for, is that they are more big hearted than i was, and that forgiveness will come some day, and that this passion we share together will keep us moving forward, together, even with change.

if you truly love someone, if you truly care like you say you do. then it doesn't matter good or bad, when change comes, you deal with it, and accept it as best as you can.

with that, i pray for only these for the new year - forgiveness, acceptance, and more love, more love.